One More Thing That Could Have Killed Sasuke
by Kitty-chan33
Summary: THE VERY FIRST ANTI-SASUSAKU! (I think...) Just R&R. Sasuke sees something he REALLY didn't want to see, and it scars him for life. (Complete)
1. A scream in the night

Kitty: Okay, by now you must have noticed that I HATE SasuXSaku. I hate it so much, that I've decided to write an anti-SasuXSaku fic. I hope all you SasuXSaku haters enjoy this.   
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Naruto, Sakura would be with Ino, and not chasing rainbows. (aka: chasing after Sasuke)  
  
  
  
One More Thing That Could Have Killed Sasuke  
  
One summer night, Sasuke was sitting on a swing that was tied to a random tree somewhere just outside of Konoha. It was past dark, and Sasuke was having fun sneaking around unseen. --Not that he couldn't conceal himself in the daytime, it's just that it was a lot easier at night because he wore a black shirt.   
  
Seeing as it was a warm summer night, Sasuke had rid himself of his shoes, along with the other pointless accessories. ((snicker 'Accessories!' That's such a feminine word…)) Leaving his armbands, bandage-thingies, and shoes next to the tree, he decided to try to climb the tree. The tree, being very tall, didn't allow him access to the high branches, so he gave up trying to shimmy up the trunk.  
  
He sat back down on the swing and sighed. Then he had another idea: to see how far he could jump from the swing. Pretty soon, the swing was well…swinging…as high as it could go. As the old swing reached its highest point, Sasuke leapt off the swing and landed…in a bush! He climbed out of the bush, a pink stain forming across his face.  
  
He gathered his things from under the large tree and made his way swiftly back into Konoha. As he was heading back home, he decided it would be interesting to look into peoples' windows. ((You know where this is going…)) --Just glancing into them as he passed. He didn't see much at first… Just a family sitting down for dinner, kids his age doing erm… stuff, some guy watching a porno (he had a sneaky suspicion that it was Kakashi). That kind of stuff.   
  
Peeking into the next house almost innocently, he could hear music; Pop, to be exact. Thinking there was a party going on that he wasn't invited to, he sprinted across the lawn and to the front window. He glanced in, and saw no one but Sakura. He could hear his heart start to pound, and he became almost immobilized. Then he let out a blood-curdling scream…

Sakura was dancing around her room to the music, **NAKED**! Sasuke tried to inhale so he could scream again, but his breath hitched and he let out something close to a sob. He fell to the ground gasping, whimpering, and shaking. That was something he did **NOT** want to see again. **EVER**. He waited until he could breathe again before sitting up from his fetal position. Using the window ledge for support, he tried to stand up. He clung to the ledge helplessly before a movement inside the window made him instinctively look up.   
  
There stood Sakura, as flat-chested as ever and still butt-naked, looking out the window to see who had screamed. This time, a wave of nausea crashed over Sasuke, and he clamped a hand over his mouth so nothing would come out; scream or dinner. Thank god he was wearing a black shirt, or else Sakura might have seen him.  
  
As soon as Sakura had left the window, Sasuke made a mad dash for the street. But his stunned sense of mind caused him to not see, then stumble over things such as lawn flamingoes (which he hadn't noticed on his way there) and other things like that. Not being able to run, he jogged home, and as soon as he reached the stairs of his apartment thing, he plopped down onto one of the bottom ones.  
  
He buried his fingers in his raven tresses, and his face contorted into a sick sort of scowl. He shivered.  
  
"_God_, I hope all girls aren't like that," he muttered as he compared the size of Sakura's forehead   
to her chest. "And she_ likes_ me!" he yelled, slamming his fists into the iron stairs. Then he curled back into his fetal position. "**_Ewwwwww!!!!!!_**"   
  
::owari::  
  
  
  
Kitty: Well… There it is! My first anti-SasuXSaku! I know, I know. I'm gonna get flames from SasuXSaku supporters telling me that 'Sasuke doesn't like Sakura for her body,' but COME ON! You can't really expect an adolescent boy to be interested in anything else, can you?! (Believe me, I know. And finding out wasn't pleasant OR pretty.) So, tell me what you thought of this in a review. If you're gonna flame me, could you at least do it in an email form? Thanks! 


	2. What happened to you, Sasuke?

Kitty: Wow. For the first day-and-a-half this was posted, it got 15 reviews! Yay! I've decided to screw the one-shot idea and continue this. It's way more popular than any of my other fics, which is surprising, since I only spent about five minutes of pure rage on this. (Somehow, I ended up in a SasuXSaku shrine, and it just got me completely pissed with this corny love quote hovering around the screen.) Anyway, I'll introduce Naruto into this chapter--  
  
Naruto: Yeah! I get to be in this story, too!  
  
Kitty: veiny-thing twitches Well duh. But don't expect to be in here too much.   
  
Sasuke: tries to smirk, but is still in shock   
  
Sakura: What's up with you, Sasuke?  
  
Sasuke: dives under the rug Eeeep!   
  
Sakura: …  
  
Naruto: …  
  
Sasuke: starts to giggle insanely  
  
Kitty: … Well, until they can figure out what's wrong with Sasuke, you can read the next chapter!  
  
Naruto: Whaddya mean "they"?!  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Use your future-predicting powers to foretell what I'm going to say.  
  
  
  
The next day at the Ninja Academy, Sasuke was still trying to recover from the previous night's erm… incident. He was twitching lightly, and every few minutes, he would emit a noise similar to a spitting cat. ((Not a hissing cat, but a spitting cat. A very scary noise indeed…)) After a few minutes of sitting in the teacher-less classroom trying to act like his cool, oh-so-sexy self ((giggles I just had to put that. He's just so darn cute!)), the door practically swung off its hinges as Naruto made his grand entrance. Sasuke rolled his eyes, only to emit a cat-spitting noise soon after. This caught Naruto's attention, and within a second and a half, he was standing on Sasuke's section of the desk-table-thing in front of him.  
  
"Ahaha! What the hell was that, you idiot?!" he yelled, referring to the cat-spitting noise. Sasuke glared up at him, twitching involuntarily.  
  
"I had a rough night last night," he said, his voice cracking a little. "Get out of my face, retard." Naruto scowled.  
  
"What happened?" Naruto demanded. Sasuke looked away.   
  
"None of your business," Sasuke grunted. "Why should I tell you, anyway? It's not like you'll c--" He cut himself off. Naruto liked Sakura; a lot, in fact, right? Why not make him jealous? It wasn't his style, but he was extra-pissed since the twitching wouldn't let him sleep last night.   
  
"What?" Naruto asked, looking around for Sasuke's distraction.  
  
"It's nothing," Sasuke said. Just then, Sakura walked in with Lee at her heels. Trying his best not to burst out laughing and twitching, he put a mock-friendly arm around Naruto. ((Way out of character, I know. I couldn't think of any other way to do this, though…)) Naruto stiffened, making an odd sort of grunting noise. "Don't you ever wonder what she would look like naked?" He jerked his head toward Sakura. ((He sounds like a sleazy used-car salesman! lol))   
  
"Well duh," Naruto whispered. "Why, do you?" He was beginning to get very suspicious.  
  
"Nah, I've already seen it," Sasuke replied with an intense shudder. Naruto's eyes widened. Was this what he meant by a 'rough night'? Did he and Sakura hit the sheets?! He had to make sure.  
  
"Huh?! Whaddya mean?!" he asked, burning with jealousy. Sasuke's arm was quickly removed from around Naruto to avoid being bitten off. Sasuke sighed, but then he was hit by another cat-spit-attack.  
  
"You sure you wanna hear it?" Sasuke asked, trying really hard not to loose it. Naruto nodded violently and gulped. As much as he was going to hate what he was going to hear, he wanted to know. "Well, last night I was taking a walk," Sasuke started, twitching.  
  
"Uh-huh…" Naruto could only imagine the ways those two could have met up. In his mind, a chibi image of Sakura in a hooker outfit formed. She was standing on a street corner, and a handwritten sign next to her read 'Senior Day! 50% off 65!' He shuddered as a chibi Sasuke sidled up next to her, then she began to sweet-talk him. This daydream was interrupted by Sasuke snapping his fingers in front of Naruto's face.  
  
"Are you even listening?" he snapped. "Anyway, I thought someone was having a party without me, so I went to look into the window." The chibis from Naruto's previous daydream were acting this out in his mind. "When I got to the window, I looked in to see Sakura. She was dancing around her room naked." With this, Sasuke fell to the ground, twitching and spitting. Again, he thought about screaming, but his breath hitched and he sobbed dryly again.  
  
All the while, Naruto sat on top of Sasuke's desk, dazed, as his mind-chibis did their stuff. Sakura's chibi bore a striking resemblance to his own Sexy no Jutsu girl, only with pink hair and whiskerless. Sasuke fought to stand back up, and he added the last part, all the while trying to maintain his cries of fear and/or mental pain.   
  
"And Y'know…" he said. "She doesn't wear a really tight bra like we all expected. She's flatter than the desk your sitting on." Naruto almost fell off the desk, laughing as his curvy chibi vanished and was replaced by something similar to what he saw in the front of the classroom.   
  
'It's like comparing Barbie to Kelly,' Naruto thought as he watched Sasuke go limp as a certain pink-haired figure climbed up the stairs of the desk-thing.  
  
"What's wrong with Sasuke?" she asked Naruto, who began laughing, and soon was joining Sasuke in being limp on the floor.  
  
  
  
Kitty: Okay, there's chapter 2. Not much of a storyline, but I had fun writing the dialogue.   
  
Sasuke: twitching and giggling under the rug  
  
Sakura: What's wrong with him?!  
  
Naruto: R&R! 


	3. Imagine how it would feel

Kitty: Even MORE reviews! It's so great! Y'know, I think this was the first time that me being extremely pissed led to something good.  
  
Naruto: Yeah! Usually it leads to you beating up that runt you go to school with! You know! The one that declared you guys 'mortal enemies' that day you went mini-golfing!  
  
Kitty: veiny-thing twitches DON'T remind me! I was just starting to calm down about that! Then YOU had to bring it up! points dramatically at Naruto  
  
Sasuke: has finally come out from under the rug Oh, hey, I remember that. twitch When you got home later that night, you knocked the head off that little statue in your hedge maze with your training sword. makes a cat-spitting noise  
  
Everyone else: backs up a little bit  
  
Sakura: … Did anyone ever notice that the head was missing from that statue? It seems kinda obvious when a little boy made of stone is missing his head.  
  
Kitty: I dunno… Maybe the dude who trims the hedges did. Where did that guy go…? I haven't seen him in a while…  
  
Naruto: While we try to find Kitty's gardener, you can read the next chapter! goes off to find the missing gardener  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Naruto isn't mine… sighs sadly   
  
  
  
Both Naruto and Sasuke lay on the floor. One was twitching violently, and the other was laughing very hard.  
  
"What's WRONG with him?!" Sakura demanded as she stomped her foot a few inches from Naruto's face. Naruto glanced up at her. She had her head down as she glared at him. Sasuke's voice echoed in his head.  
  
'And y'know what? She's flatter than the desk you're sitting on.' Naruto studied the glaring expression on Sakura's face for a few seconds, then broke into hysterics noticing that, even though she was standing almost on top of him, her face was not obscured by her chest in the slightest. He peeked over at Sasuke, who looked to be drowning in bad memories.  
  
"Oh God, Sasuke! You're right!" he roared as he tried to stand up, using the chair Sasuke had previously been sitting in for support. Sakura glared even harder than before.  
  
"What are you talking about?!" she almost yelled. "And WHAT'S wrong with Sasuke?!" Naruto glanced as Sasuke again.  
  
"Can I tell her?" he tried to whisper, but it came out as a giggle. At this, Sasuke's eyes shot open, and he shook his head violently. "Why not…?" Naruto asked, this time managing to whisper.  
  
"Just don't…!" Sasuke hissed back, fighting off the urge to twitch unsuccessfully. Then the boys began to whisper. And through the giggles and the cat-spitting noises, Sakura made out the words 'small-chested' and her own name. Hearing the second phrase, she crossed her arms quickly, and blushed.  
  
"Fine," she said, through gritted teeth. Then she stomped away. Soon, Naruto had gotten control of his giggle fit, and Sasuke was beginning to be able to contain his twitching and cat-spitting noises.   
  
"Why couldn't I tell her?" Naruto asked innocently. "It's not like she doesn't know that she's about as curvy as a can of soup." Sasuke sighed.   
  
"I wouldn't want her to think I'm a Peeping-Tom," Sasuke said.   
  
"But she'd LIKE that, wouldn't she?" Naruto asked, confused. Sasuke shivered.  
  
"Exactly." He shivered again, then looked at the clock. He had time to get into a serious conversation, even though it was with someone as dim-witted as Naruto. ((Sorry Naruto fans! … I should add right now that this next bit was a REAL CONVERSATION that the boys' Sex Ed. class had. (I was in there dusting furniture because the girls' Sex Ed. teacher was absent, and the other teachers made all the girls clean the school since it was the end of the year. I had to PROMISE I wasn't listening. But, naturally, I was.) Anyway, I should probably change the rating of this, but I'll let you tell me. I've seen/heard worse things in PG-13 movies. coughTitaniccough))   
  
"Besides," Sasuke added, sitting back down in his chair. "Girls are REALLY sensitive about that kinda thing."   
  
"Huh?" Naruto looked more confused than he had ever been. Sasuke motioned for him to sit. Naruto hopped up onto Sasuke's section of the desk-table-thing, and sat Indian-style as Sasuke scooted his chair forward so they wouldn't be heard as much. Sasuke rested one elbow on his desk, facing Naruto, which formed a sort of two-person circle-thing. By the look on Sasuke's face, this was going to take a while.  
  
"Y'see Naruto," Sasuke started, suddenly feeling very grown-up. "Girls'--" He motioned to his chest, while making awkward stuttering noises. "--chests," he finally managed to say, all the while losing his mature confidence. "Girls' chests are very important to them. They're sort of like moose and their antlers."  
  
"What?" Naruto asked, making that squinty face. Sasuke turned a little red.  
  
"The bigger the girls' chests are, the more confident and important-feeling the girls are." Seeing absolutely NO connection between breasts and moose, Naruto blinked and shook his head in confusion. Sasuke shook his head in disgust. "You're not gonna make this easy for me, are you?" Then he scanned the classroom for something better. Finding nothing, he cast his eyes downward in despair. He found just what he was looking for, and it had been right (well, not right) under his nose the whole time. His face lit up, but then, since he hadn't gotten completely over his twitching, he shuddered a little.  
  
"Sasuke, you shouldn't twitch and make that face at the same time. It's REALLY creepy," Naruto said, shifting himself around on the desk.  
  
"Anyway Naruto, girls treat their chests as we guys do our--" He motioned vaguely to his lap. Naruto blinked.  
  
"I'm not following, Sasuke," Naruto admitted with a baffled look on his face. "Why do you have to be so imprecise?" ((I know, I know. Not a word Naruto would normally use. But my thesaurus's other words are about twice as long… So you'll just have to deal with it.)) Sasuke looked nervously around the room.  
  
"Dammit Naruto…!" he hissed. "Just try to figure it out…!" He motioned again.  
  
"C'mon Sasuke, just say it-- Oh. Oooooh." Naruto turned bright red. Sasuke, who was REALLY not used to talking about this kind of thing, especially with someone like Naruto.  
  
"Naruto think about it."   
  
"Huh?"  
  
"How would you feel if you had just stepped out of the shower and Sakura was peeking into your window? Then, the next day at school, she said your dick was as big as a double-A battery?"   
  
((This was the part of the class where I had to shove my fist in my mouth to keep from laughing. Only to get very strange looks from the guy I really like.))   
  
Naruto's little mind-chibis did their thing in his head, and then his squinty facial expression softened as he imagined the embarrassment of this. Then he sighed.  
  
"I guess you're right for once, Sasuke," he muttered. "But God!" he yelled, breaking the semi-sympathetic mood. "You have no idea how much I wish I had been you last night!" Sasuke smiled weakly.  
  
"I could say the same thing about you," he said softly. Then Iruka popped his head in the door, smiling widely, and class began.  
  
  
  
Kitty: is laughing hysterically Oh God! You have no idea how much I'm missing Sex Ed. right now! I know it's wrong to miss Sex Ed., but that was probably the best class I ever took. It's just sooooooooooooo funny! Not because of the overall tension, it's just the fact that the teachers handed out condoms, then made up FOOL AROUND with them JUST so we could be more comfortable with them!   
  
Sasuke: has finally gotten over twitching/cat spitting You really had ONE PERVERTED TEACHER, didn't you?  
  
Kitty: imagines a chibi Kakashi with 'Make Out Paradise' No, not really. But that, along with an idea my friend had in a hotel room last summer, did inspire me to start writing another Naruto fic.   
  
Naruto: Oh NO! As if THIS story wasn't gross enough… You just HAVE to make another one!  
  
Sakura: not paying any attention to what's going on Hey! I'm hardly in this chapter! How come?!  
  
Kitty: We needed some Naruto/Sasuke bonding. After this chapter, they're gonna be friends, okay? Okay!  
  
Naruto: looks at Sasuke Friend… glomps him   
  
Sasuke: choke gag sputter  
  
Kitty: P.S. I found a really cool Naruto website. I downloaded music videos and both soundtracks from it. It's called Go there to download the soundtrack for free before the people who own the CD rights go in there and make you pay to download it! 


	4. The pants from hell

Kitty: Hello faithful readers! Even though I had a REALLY crappy day because it's so hot, I've decided to work on this again. I promised, didn't I? (Did I?) Since I've got some time on my hands, I'd like to thank my reviewers. Even though I'd love to thank each one of you personally, I'll have to separate you out into groups that generally the same things.  
  
  
  
To all who reviewed telling me I was doing a good job or that this was funny: blink Wow. There's a lot of you. I never thought I'd have so many readers. To tell you the truth (which has already been told in Chapter 3), I wrote the first chapter of this while I was on a rampage. (Heh.) I posted it just for the heck of it, and BOOM. Like, 15 reviews in the first 6 hours. Thank you so much! (What else is there to say?)  
  
To all those who gave me food in their reviews (cookies, snack cakes, etc…): snicker What a sweet little idea! giggle (I know, I know. Bad pun. I just had to say it, though…)  
  
To all those who sent me ideas for this next chapter: I'm so glad you did! I wouldn't be writing this if you didn't! Thank you to all who did!  
  
And finally, to those who told me to forget about/fuck/screw the flamer, or to just plain move on: Well, you guys (or girls) are heroes (or heroines). You saved this fic from that awful 'Remove Story' button on my taskbar. cue sad music to accompany flashback I was going to remove this after I got flamed, but then I saw all your kind words of encouragement and support, and I just couldn't do it. I couldn't disappoint all my readers. (As you know, they're now sacred to me after this whole flame-incident. (sigh There. I'm all drama-ed out today.) But, now, I'll list the wonderful peoples' names that saved this fic from certain destruction:  
  
Dark Mimiru-Chan   
  
Akio the Dragon Master  
  
Kin Uchiha  
  
SukiAme  
  
kashisenshey  
  
The Dark Archon   
  
TheGreatAnimeFan  
  
Keizka  
  
chibikakashi   
  
tracy-kin  
  
Thank you all soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much! Remember, all you readers who really enjoy this should thank them sometime for keeping this fic alive.   
  
And just some random stuff:  
  
To Lain Mikado: shakes head No no. I don't hate Sakura at all. She's actually the character I can best relate to from anywhere, personality-wise. Always chasing after Sasuke and unsuccessful at ever actually getting him; at the top of her class academically; can go on and on without even realizing it; etc… I just like to pick on her a little (okay, a lot) because her flaws kind of reflect my own.   
  
To Red River: Can you tell me where to find some good NaruXSasu pics? grin I really can't find any that are any good. And you said you found some good ones.   
  
To 'Sakura is a Parasite!': Go right on ahead with that fanart! cheesy grin As long as you send it to me, too. even cheesier grin  
  
And, lastly, Antiprepshit: Go fuck yourself in a ditch, ya little bastard!   
  
  
  
Kitty: Phew! Where'd that come from? Not my normal self at all!  
  
Sasuke: Could it be from that 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew you just drank in about 10 seconds?   
  
Kitty: gasps Oh crap! Now I wont be able to sleep for a week! sly grin  
  
Naruto: Great. Just what we all need. A hyper AND sleepless authoress to torture us for the next whole week.  
  
Sakura: not listening Sasuke! It's your birthday tomorrow!  
  
Kitty: has completely forgotten That's right! grabs Sasuke by the wrist Come on! The eve of your birthday must be celebrated appropriately! drags him off into a spare room  
  
Sasuke: pokes his head through the door Help…? O.O  
  
Sakura: yelling through the now-locked door Whatever she's doing to you, Sasuke, remember! I can do it better!   
  
Naruto: O.O'  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine…  
  
  
  
After class, Iruka held the students for a few more minutes to make an announcement.  
  
"Remember everyone," he said happily. "You have the next week off from classes." Many cheers from the more forgetful students followed this statement. "But you do have training sessions with your team leaders every morning, so don't think you can slack off for the next week." The same students who had cheered, now emitted a groan of disappointment. Sasuke, who had regained his composure completely, just smirked at the ones who had groaned.   
  
After Iruka had dismissed them all, Sasuke made his way slowly to the door in order to avoid the stampede of his peers, which was led by Naruto, of course. Just when he had reached the door, he felt a hand on his shoulder. He tuned around in a rather sloth-like fashion, due to his lack of sleep the previous night. Standing in front of him was none other than Sakura.   
  
"What?" he asked, trying not to think about the horrible memory that he associated with this pink-haired girl. She blushed a little, then smiled up at him. "What, Sakura? I have stuff to do. I have to--" He thought as hard as he could for some excuse to avoid spending any more time than absolutely necessary with her. "I have to go to Ino's house." It was the first thing that came to his mind that would keep her away from him, so he said it.  
  
"WHAT?!" she shrieked. "Why do you have to go to Ino-pig's place?! Do you like her more than me?!" Realizing his mistake, he tried to fix it.   
  
"She wants to talk to me about something," he stuttered. That was vague enough, right?  
  
"Fine," Sakura said grumpily, then she pushed past him, and out of the classroom. Then he sighed in relief.   
  
'That should keep her away from me for a while,' Sasuke thought, smiling to himself. Then he exited the school, and started on his way home. But as soon as he reached his apartment-thing, Sakura jumped out from around a corner in the hallway.   
  
"Ah-ha!" she yelled triumphantly, dramatically pointing a finger in his face. "I knew you weren't going to Ino's! You just wanted to get rid of me!" Sasuke narrowed his eyes while racking his brain again.   
  
"I was just coming here to change my clothes," he said, matter-of-factly. Sakura raised an eyebrow. Sasuke never really wore anything but his usual black shirt and white shorts. And the ones he was wearing weren't all that dirty. They'd been sitting in class the whole day. (A very inactive class, at that.) And anyway. Why would he change his clothes for Ino?  
  
"Huh?" Sakura stared at Sasuke for a second, before he disappeared into his apartment and locked the door. She scowled at it.  
  
With Sakura   
  
'What if Sasuke really IS telling the truth? And what if he really IS going to see Ino-pig? I can't let that happen!' she thought as she walked away from the apartment building. 'I'd better follow Sasuke to Ino's and make sure nothing's going on.'  
  
With Sasuke   
  
Sasuke pulled gently on his curtains to see if Sakura was gone. He couldn't see her, but he knew she was lurking somewhere nearby.   
  
'I'd better just walk over to Ino's to make it look like I really had to go somewhere,' Sasuke thought as he entered his kitchen. Slightly to his surprise, he found his kitchen table covered with flowers and candy and all that stuff from fangirls. He frowned at it all, then growled slightly. He HAD to figure out how so many people could get into his house during the day without him noticing.   
  
'Okay, I told Sakura I was going to change my clothes,' he thought as he walked into his bedroom, which was just that. A room with a bed and other bedroom-ish furniture. He pulled open one of the drawers on his dresser, and dammit, all the clothes in the drawer were exactly the same as the ones he was wearing. He sighed and shoved the drawer shut with a thud. He repeated the action three more times until he reached the bottom of the dresser. He yanked the last drawer open, and exasperatedly started do dig through it.   
  
Yes! His efforts were not fruitless! He rubbed the not-black-or-white fabric to his face, feeling something other than his training clothes for the first time in months. Then he went on another search through his bottom drawer in order to find a partner for the shirt he had dug out. After finding a pair of pants he swore he had never seen before, he practically ripped off his training clothes, and then pulled on the stuff he had just found.  
  
Not wasting any time, he walked over to his mirror with some unknown difficulty (Yes, he has a full-length mirror in his room) and stared at his reflection. His jaw practically dropped through the floor at the sight of himself. Now he knew why it was so hard to walk; his pants were about six sizes too small, yet he could still fit into them. As it turns out, Sasuke, along with Ricky Martin, had that special 'being-able-to-fit-into-pants-that-are-way-too-small-and-yet-still-looking-manly-in-them' gift. And it was a gift Sasuke REALLY didn't want.  
  
'No way in hell,' he thought as he pulled at the tight denim. But when he tried to take them off, they seriously WOULD NOT COME LOOSE. After about five minutes of rolling around of the floor, yelling and pulling at his pants, they had come down a couple of centimeters, but they were nowhere near being off. He sighed and then made a mental note to personally murder whoever had bought him the pants from hell. He pulled on a clean shirt, then pulled it down as far as it would go, which wasn't really that far. Then he made a mental note to buy longer shirts should this type of occasion arise once again. As he (painfully) made his way out of his apartment, he had another thought.  
  
'I know Sakura will follow me, so I'll just get her annoyed as hell. Then she might leave me alone.' He picked up a bouquet of random flowers off the table, throwing the card off to one side. It's not like he cared who it was from. He closed and locked the door behind him, though he didn't see the point; all the girls in the city had an identical house key to his, and they could get in there anytime they wanted.  
  
As he made his way down the street, he saw a flash of pink. He rolled his eyes and continued walking to the Yamanako residence. ((Did I spell that right?)) Alone in a random bush, Sakura burned with jealousy.   
  
'Why does he bring her flowers AND wear those pants?! Why's he going to see HER anyway?!' Without another thought, Sakura started to run in the opposite direction of Sasuke.  
  
Soon after, Sasuke reached Ino's house. After knocking ever so lightly on the door, he shrugged exaggeratedly as to inform Sakura (who was nowhere nearby) that no one was home. But he had come ALL THIS WAY in the pants from hell, so he decided it would be worth it to see Sakura really pissed at him. He was going to give Ino the flowers. After all, since it was dark out, Ino might not know it was him giving her the flowers. She would probably think it was Shikamaru or someone.   
  
Sasuke made his way to the back of the house where the Yamanakos had a pool. ((They probably don't have a pool, but they do in this story…)) He opened the gate, and was greeted by the warm light of some tiki torches. He couldn't really see anything in the dark, and he was sure nothing could see him. He walked (painfully) to the edge of the pool, and (with VERY much difficulty) squatted down by the side of the water. It had a few ripples, but nothing else.   
  
Just as he had his face down to the water to see his reflection (Oh how he loved to see his pretty face!), another face popped up right in front of his own. Along with a long, blonde ponytail, closed eyes, and a light spray of water shooting from the mouth and nose. Before Sasuke had time to react, the pony tailed figure stood all the way up (Seeing as she was in the shallow end of the pool), and right before a stunned Sasuke stood a very naked, very flat, and very unobservant Ino.   
  
Sasuke shoved a fist into his mouth as to not scream. He fell backwards onto the cement around the pool, and started to edge away from the water. Ino shook her head lightly to get some water out of her ears, and then dove back underwater, leaving Sasuke by himself. He shivered, and then, with much effort, he managed to stand up and sprint off.   
  
As soon as he got back to his apartment, he pushed the door open, and walked in, pulling off his shirt. Even though this second spazz attack wasn't as bad as the first, he twitched slightly, then tried to take his pants off. Remembering how hard this would be, he grabbed a kunai from nowhere and began to cut through the offending fabric.   
  
After a few more minutes of cutting, a few twitch-attacks had left him covered in small cuts and gashes. He could deal with those in the morning. He walked into his darkened room only wearing boxers, flopped down on his bed, and pulled the sheet up over his chest. Or… Tried to pull the sheet up. Something heavy was on top of it, preventing him from seeking comfort in the silky softness that made up his sheets  
  
He snapped on the light next to his bed, then saw probably the scariest thing he'd ever seen before in his life, sprawled out naked next to him.  
  
Sasuke squealed at he threw himself off his surprisingly large bed, puling the sheet down with him to cover his almost-naked self with. The pink haired figure on his bed looked rather taken aback, then she half-closed her eyes, and whispered,  
  
"Hello, Sasuke…"  
  
On the other side of town, Naruto was just climbing into bed, when he heard an almost sickening scream. He shrugged and plopped down into his Sakura-less bed, and closed his eyes, drifting into happy dreams of ramen.  
  
  
  
Naruto: seeing as Kitty and Sasuke are busy Okay, there's another chapter.  
  
Sakura: pounding on the door of the spare room Don't worry, Sasuke! We'll be together soon!  
  
Naruto: R and R! 


	5. The accident

Kitty: tired, despite the hundreds of grams sugar still flowing through her system Urg… Y'know, I only got about three hours' sleep last night. And my throat hurts like a bitch. So I don't know how this chapter will turn out. It'll probably be worse than the last chapter. (Which happened to be written at about 11:30 last night. And you know how one's brain works when they're almost asleep.   
  
Sakura: O.O the face Kaoru makes whenever Megumi comes within 50 feet of Kenshin   
  
Kitty: Don't make that O.O face at me, Pinky!  
  
Sakura: O.O  
  
Kitty: growls starts screaming incoherently at Sakura  
  
Sakura: screams incoherently back  
  
Naruto: Meeee-ooowww! Cat fight! C'mon, Sasuke! Let's watch! Maybe we'll get lucky!  
  
Sasuke: Zzzzzzz….  
  
Naruto: Sasuke? pokes him with a stick from nowhere  
  
Sasuke: grabs the stick without opening his eyes, then snaps it in half Zzzzzzz…  
  
Naruto: O.O  
  
Kitty: has won the cat fight Just read the next chapter. I'm just writing whatever comes to me. It's too early in the morning to have to think. Anyway, thank you to my loyal reviewers who have put up with my incoherent story (which ironically isn't really anti-SasuXSaku anymore). I'll try my best to increase the amount of anti-SasuXSaku-ness in this story. But, as you can clearly tell by the conversation above, I'm running on almost no energy. So sorry in advance if this chapter sucks.  
  
Sakura: O.O still making Kaoru face Y-You really did it…! After all that talk that you were a good-girl, you really did it…!  
  
Kitty: Zzzzzzz…  
  
Sasuke: Zzzzzzz…  
  
Naruto: What? What did they do?  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: God, you're a pain if you think this is mine…  
  
  
  
After Sasuke's first heart-shattering scream of this evening, he sat huddled in a ball in the corner of his room, his sheet wrapped tightly around himself. He emitted little whining noises as Sakura "seductively" dragged herself over to his corner. Not wanting to have to bear the pain of seeing one of his classmate's naked self, he smacked his hands over his eyes, which were shut tightly.  
  
"S-Sakura…" he managed to mumble through the twitching that had consumed his body. "How d-did you get in here?"  
  
"Oh Sasuke," she purred. He squeaked. "I have a key to your door. You didn't know?" He shook his head.  
  
"Wh-Where'd you get a key to my door?" he asked in a feeble attempt to keep Sakura off him. She came and sat pretty close to him, then she fingered the edge of his sheet fondly.  
  
"All the girls have them. Remember when you lost your key and you had to stay with Naruto until you got a new one?" ((Okay, that didn't really happen. But I needed some way for him to loose his house key.)) "That was way back when Ino and I were friends. We snuck the key out of your pocket that time when Ino tried to stick her hand down your pants." Sasuke's eye twitched. "Then we had copies made, and things just got out of hand from there." Sakura looked away guiltily, but Sasuke didn't see, because he was adding 'Change the lock on my door' to his mental things-to-do list.   
  
Sasuke was snapped out of his thoughts by Sakura's hand coming down gently on his shoulder. She smiled at him, and he began to squirm. Enough so that he had dislodged himself from his corner, and was now scooting along the floor like a dog with an itchy butt. As soon as he reached his bed, he crawled helplessly up on it, wearing the sheet like a girl would wear a bath towel.  
  
"That's a good boy," Sakura cooed as she walked over to the bed at a snail's pace. She was doing that on purpose, just to freak Sasuke out. (Okay, she thought she was seducing him, but she's not smart like that, is she?) Sasuke squeaked at she sat at the foot of the bed, toying with his silky white sheets. Sasuke, never having to ward off this intense a fangirl, had no idea how to get rid of the this pink-haired demon who was now pulling gently at the sheets that were wrapped around his trembling form.  
  
Thinking quickly after Sakura had found his feet in the mountain of satin, Sasuke decided that being feeble and just sitting there squeaking was NOT helping. Sakura was slowly making an ascent up his left leg, drawing intricate patterns with her fingertips. A few seconds later, she had reached his knee, and, not knowing that he was extremely ticklish, began caressing the back of his knee. He squirmed at the touch, and then remember that it was SAKURA stroking the back of his knee, then forced down a warm wave of nausea.   
  
He HAD to get Sakura off his bed and out of his room, or he feared they both would have an intimate meeting with his lunch. So he did what any (overly dramatic) person being tickled would do. Even though he was wrapped up tightly in the sheet, he began to thrash around violently, letting out a loud shriek every few seconds. Sakura immediately pulled her hand out from under the sheet, but was denied the time it took for her to rise to her feet to avoid being kicked by a rather wimpy and girly-acting Sasuke.  
  
More by accident than on purpose, Sasuke nailed her in the head with one of his flying-kick type thrashes. He had meant to get her away from him, but he hadn't meant to knock her out. Sasuke, still shrieking and writhing on his bed, hadn't noticed the still-naked and limp form of Sakura fall to the floor, and continued his thrashing session until he felt it was safe to lower his defense. Having had his eyes squeezed tightly shut the whole time, he was slightly surprised to find Sakura laying limp on his floor.  
  
He hopped lightly down from his bed, and over to Sakura. An egg-shaped mass was rising from her forehead. It was a pretty big target, after all. Sasuke prodded her gently with his foot, jumping back occasionally as if he were expecting her to leap up and start to tickle him again.   
  
"Sakura…!" he murmured as he smacked her face lightly. What was he going to do now? There was a naked and unconscious girl laying on his floor, with a lump the size of Detroit on her almost-equally-as-large forehead. Sasuke had two choices:  
  
1.) Throw her out his two-story window and blame it on the neighbors. Or…  
  
2.) Call someone and ask for help with the pink-haired being who was currently drooling on his carpet.  
  
About twenty seconds later…   
  
"Umm, Naruto? Can you come over here for a little while? … I had a sort of… Umm… 'Accident,' if I can call it that. … Yes, Naruto. It's Sasuke. And I'm asking you to come help me with this. … YES, I'm asking for help. So can you get your ass down here and help me?! … Okay, I'll see you in a minute." Click. Sasuke hung up his phone, then went to wait for Naruto in his living room-area-place.   
  
A few minutes later, Sasuke heard banging on his door, and, still wrapped in his sheet, answered the door. There stood Naruto, grinning from ear to ear.  
  
"Hi Sasuke!" he all but yelled as he strolled into Sasuke's living room. "Nice sheet." Sasuke blushed as he realized he was still wrapped in his sheet. It was wrapped around his backside, and it gathered rather femininely in his hands, which were pressed to his chest. If Naruto hadn't known better, he would have thought Sasuke to be a girl.   
  
"C'mon," Sasuke ordered.  
  
"Fine; where're we going?" Naruto asked as he followed Sasuke into the bedroom. Then, when he saw Sakura lying naked on the floor, his eyes grew wide and he gasped. "Sasuke, what were you doing?" he asked with a suggestive tone. Even though he was entirely innocent, and Sakura should be the one to get that tone, Sasuke felt slightly embarrassed to talk about it.  
  
"She came in here when I wasn't home!" Sasuke yelled. And she tried to seduce me by rubbing the back of my knee, but then I kicked her in the head!" Naruto looked confused.  
  
"But why is she naked?" he asked, letting his eyes linger a little too long on her bare butt.  
  
"How should I know?!" Sasuke snarled. "It was HER that came in here. I was just trying to go to sleep!" Sasuke looked over Sakura's limp form, then twitched. "We have to get her out of here," he said. Wasting no time, Naruto sprinted over to her and attempted to lift her into his arms bridal-style. Sasuke gave him a swift smack to he head.  
  
"We have to DRESS her, you idiot! What do you think people will think if they see US carrying a girl throughout the streets of Konoha naked?" Naruto shrugged.  
  
"I dunno…" he said truthfully. "I thought it MIGHT just be a little suspicious when her parents greeted us at the door and found her with us and naked. They might just THINK some certain things." Naruto received a lame look from Sasuke.  
  
"No, REALLY?!" he asked sarcastically. Naruto nodded, thinking Sasuke was serious.  
  
"And my rep's already bad enough around here, so I don't need 'rapist' added to the list of things people call me." Sasuke shook his head and sighed. They were going to have to dress Sakura.  
  
  
  
Naruto: An almost-cliffie!   
  
Sakura: O.O They really did it…!  
  
Kitty: is almost awake So, there's the chapter. The next one will be about them having to dress Sakura and take her home, and all that. takes a drink of Mountain Dew bounces up and down Okay, that's better! I'm awake! Now, I have something to say. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SASUKE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!   
  
Sasuke: Zzzz-- What? Oh right. It's my birthday. Yay for me.   
  
Sakura: PRESENTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SASUKE, I BOUGHT YOU A PRESENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! shoves a gift into Sasuke's hands  
  
Sasuke: opens the present Oh wow, Sakura…! You got me a… thong…!   
  
Sakura: OOH!!!!!! I KNEW YOU'D LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Go put it on!  
  
Sasuke: Eh… O.O'  
  
Naruto: O.O' Eww… goes off to throw up somewhere  
  
Kitty: O.O' As much as I like Sasuke, that's just GROSS. Anyway, Sasuke, I got you a can of Axe! pulls out a can of Axe and sprays Sasuke with it  
  
Sasuke: twitch sniff At least I smell good…!  
  
Naruto: has returned from throwing up REVIEW!!!!! IT'S THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS ME FROM JUMPING OFF A BRIDGE TO ESCAPE THESE AWFUL AUTHOR'S NOTES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 


	6. Cluck like a chicken

Kitty: twitch How many frickin' times do I have to say it?! I DON'T HATE SAKURA!!!!!!!! I'm being spazzed at by people who have nothing to do but bother people who are trying to be a little different, and they can't even accuse me of something true! God, people… shakes head And can you complaining retards get this through your thick heads; the word 'you' has THREE letters. No one; not two; THREE. Let me spell it for you if it's too much. Y-O-U. ahem Now that we've got that straightened out, here's an announcement for all the people who don't think I should burn in hell for being a regular person with different personal preferences than the thousands of mindless drones out there. (Eh… Sorry if I've offended any SasuXSaku fans by this. I'm just REALLY frustrated right now, and IT'S TOO FRICKIN' HOT!) Anyway, in this chapter of OMTTCHKS, they start to dress Sakura. (Woohoo…!) And Naruto tricks Sakura into thinking that he's Sasuke (in a scene from that oh-so-wonderful thing called 'daytime TV').  
  
Disclaimer: If you think I magically own Naruto all of a sudden, think again. Or any other show I might have used quotes in this from.  
  
"Sasuke, what's your problem?! You've been glaring at me like that the whole time, and for once, something isn't my fault!"  
  
"Just shut up, Naruto! I can't even hear myself think!"  
  
"Why the hell are you thinking?! We're looking for Sakura's clothes, not solving a Scooby Doo murder mystery! Stop spacing out and glaring at me! At least I'm focused!"  
  
"Focused on what?! Sakura's ass?!"  
  
"…"  
  
"See?! I knew it! You were! I'm putting a sheet over her to keep you focused."  
  
"…"  
  
"…"  
  
"Sasuke, look! I found 'em!" Naruto held up a ball of red and white clothes. Sasuke was slightly surprised to find that they weren't neatly folded. VERY un-Sakura-like. He yawned.  
  
"Lemme see 'em, Naruto," he said right after he finished yawning. After all, it was late, and Sasuke hadn't slept very well lately for obvious reasons. Naruto chucked the ball at an unsuspecting Sasuke, and it hit him in the face. He growled slightly when Naruto stuck out his tongue, the scuffed over to Sakura, who was nestled under the sheet. Naruto found his way over to the sheet-covered girl as well, and the two boys sat Indian-style next to her.  
  
"Well…" said Naruto, pulling at the sheet a little. Sasuke scowled.  
  
"Well what?" Sasuke asked, annoyed. "We're gonna have to dress her now." Naruto looked to be in heaven when Sasuke pulled away the sheet, revealing a very naked Sakura with a large bump on her head. Sasuke's eye twitched, then he began to search through the pile of clothes in his lap. A few seconds later, he found his prize: PANTIES. Sasuke held them at arm's length, eyeing them warily. He REALLY didn't want to do this, and lucky for him, Naruto DID. He emitted a funny-sounding squawk, then ran off to the kitchen.  
  
"I-I think we need some tea!" was the only thing he could think of saying as he dashed down the hall, unable to cope with having to put PANTIES on a girl's naked butt, much less SAKURA'S panties on HER naked butt.  
  
Naruto shook his head, but then a wave of guilt crashed over him. He was taking advantage of a member of his team, and he was sure that if Sakura had to dress him, she would at least turn out the lights as to not expose him to her. After all, virtue was one of the things needed to become a good ninja (or at least that's what Iruka told him after he spray-painted obscene images all over the side of the school).  
  
With a sigh, Naruto stood up and dimmed the lights just enough so he could see what he was doing without intruding on Sakura's privacy. Just as he was walking back over to Sakura, she moaned, and with some effort, sat up. Hearing Naruto's footsteps, she gasped.  
  
"S-Sasuke…?" she whispered into the semi-darkness, having no clue the boy in the room wasn't her precious Sasuke, let alone Naruto. Naruto smirked, then had an idea.  
  
"Don't turn around…" he whispered back, as to not let Sakura know it was him, and he continued to walk towards her. As soon as he came within a two feet of her, he sat down directly behind her. Then he lifted her hair and blew cold air onto the back of her neck. She whined, goose-bumps rising all over her back. Naruto smirked, then blew more air onto Sakura's neck.  
  
"Tell me what to do…" she managed to whimper softly, completely thinking the boy behind her to be someone else. Naruto thought for a minute, then smirked.  
  
"Cluck like a chicken…" From what he could see, Sakura was very confused. "It turns me on…" Sakura thought about it for a few seconds, then stuck her hands into her armpits like a child imitating a chicken, bobbed her head lightly a few times, then proceeded with the chicken noises. They came softly at first, but as the seconds passed, they became louder and more intense. Naruto, almost unable to retain his laughter, shoved a fist into his mouth, then used his other hand to roughly pinch his nose to prevent any snorting noises he might emit from reaching Sakura's ears.  
  
As soon as he thought he had control over his lungs, he removed the fist from his mouth, and gingerly drew his finger up Sakura's spine, causing her to go into a fit of shivers.  
  
"Take me, I'm yours," Sakura sighed, then, completely entranced by Naruto's behavior, allowed herself to fall back into Naruto's arms, all the while thinking it was Sasuke. Then, Sakura looked up into Naruto's face, and (seeing as it was very dark) she blinked out of her little trance. "Naruto?" she asked, her eyes no longer glazed over and dreamy. All the while, Naruto's head was doing all that thinking-a-hundred-thoughts-in-less-than-half-a-second thinking.  
  
'Oh shit, she knows it's me! Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit! What am I gonna do?! Maybe I can explain it to her-- NO! That wouldn't work! She's gonna bite my head off! I can run away-- NO! Sasuke would think I did something! But I did do something, so he would be right! Ohshitohshitohsh-- I know! I'll knock her out! There we go! She'll think this was a dream or something! Yeah!'  
  
Just as Sakura was about to draw a breath to scream, Naruto, remembering absolutely NOTHING about pressure points, leapt to his feet, then gave Sakura a swift boot to the head. He grimaced at the new large lump forming right next to the old one on his unconscious teammate's head.  
  
Just then, Sasuke walked into the room carrying a tray with two cups of tea upon it. Naruto lightly kicked Sakura's head under the bed, as to not let Sasuke see the new bump. Sasuke set the tray down on his bed and looked around the room.  
  
"Naruto, why are the lights off?" he asked, looking down at Sakura. "And why is Sakura under my bed?" Naruto looked up at the ceiling.  
  
"Oh, that? No reason," he said in a trying-to-be-innocent-but-failing-miserably voice. Sasuke scowled.  
  
"Well, get her out. She needs her clothes on before we can take her home." Naruto nodded, then picked up the panties from their resting place on the floor. Sasuke eyed them warily once more, but this time, he was a safe distance from them. He waited for Naruto to put them on her, but he didn't. For some strange reason only he could understand, Sasuke began to panic. "What? What's wrong?" he asked frantically after a few more seconds of waiting in suspense. Naruto began to study the panties from a number of different angles before speaking.  
  
"Umm… Where's the front?" Sasuke fell over anime-style.  
  
Kitty: I'm SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO sorry! I know that I said they would be dressing Sakura at the end of the last chapter, but I've had NO time to write! Along with being sick, then going on a vacation, I've been kinda busy. My brain doesn't respond when I try to think stuff up for this story, so I'll only be able to post once in a while now…  
  
P.S. Be sure to read my profile to see how AFO went for me! cheesy grin 


	7. She doesn't need that, Sasuke

Kitty: Wow! OMTTCHKS has gotten over 100 reviews! I'm really surprised by that! If I had known this would have been so popular, I would have started writing it a long time ago! Anyway, the reviews you are sending are longer and filled with even more praise (except for the hateful few who still flame me now and again), and they make me want to continue this even more. (Even though I've got terrible writer's block…) And while I was rereading this whole story to see if anything was deathly wrong with it, I discovered something that was. In the first chapter (where this whole mess started), it said that Sakura was dancing around her room with nothing on. I fear I forgot to add that she had just gotten out of the shower and had left her towel to seek some form of clothing. I'm sorry if I confused anyone with this sudden burst of OOC-ness from Sakura.

Anyway, I'm _really_ getting sick of the people who keep flaming me and complaining about how bad this is or something like that. Here's a message for all you oddities:

IT'S A FRICKIN' STORY, PEOPLE!!!!!! Not only that; it's a story about a story! The characters don't exist! It's not like I'm hurting their feelings! Anyway, all you idiots seem to act like all the characters are real and you're sticking up for them like a "good friend" would! Get over yourselves! It's not like they're magically going to come out of your computer and thank you for supporting their relationship after you flamed me! If you don't like this, don't read it! It's as simple as that!

Now that I've idiot-proofed this, you may read on with no more interruption from me.

Disclaimer: After seven chapters, I think you would've gotten through your heads the fact that Naruto doesn't belong to me. But then again, there are quite a few morons out there…

"Okay, uhh… Let's see now…" Sasuke held up the pair of pink panties between two fingers. If he could remember where he put his only pair of stainless-steel tongs, he would gladly retrieve them in order to avoid touching this… thing… that belonged to his teammate. After much reasoning with himself, he finally decided which side was the front. Lucky for him, the side he decided was the front, was actually the front.

Now holding the panties in both hands, he began to slide the panties on Sakura. By the time his hands had reached her knees, he became too fidgety and nervous. He REALLY didn't want to get his hands any closer to her lower regions than they already were. His face twitched a little as he tried to pull the panties up past her knees without touching her thighs.

"Hey, Naruto."

Naruto looked up from the panties' destination with a slight blush forming on his face.

"Y-yeah?" he asked. Sasuke forced a "friendly" smile.

"We all know how much you like Sakura."

Naruto's blush deepened.

"So… Would you like to do the honors?"

Naruto's face brightened.

"Really?"

Sasuke nodded, and Naruto snatched the panties away from him greedily. Then, he began to pull them up _very_ slowly, as if he were savoring it. Sasuke's face twitched after he looked up at the clock on his nightstand, and the number changed for the third time since the panties had begun their ascent in Naruto's possession.

"Al_right_, Naruto!" he hissed, shooting a glare at the blonde. "You're taking too long!" With that, he grabbed the panties and yanked them the rest of the way up, giving Sakura a major wedgie. Sasuke huffed in exasperation. He was sure Naruto wouldn't want to fix that, and neither did he, so they just left it like that.

"Now what?" Naruto asked Sasuke, who had made himself busy digging through the pile of remaining clothing. Instead of answering verbally, he held up a tiny pink bra between two fingers. It looked more like an obscenely short shirt than a bra, as it lacked a twin pair of major components of a bra.

"Eh," was all that Sasuke could say before his eyes locked with Naruto's, the same thought running through both of their heads. "Does she…?"

"Nah." With that, Sasuke made his way swiftly over to the open window and lightly flicked the offending "lingerie" out into the night.

Kitty: I'M SORRY THAT WAS SO SHORT!!!!!!!!!! IT'S LATE AND I'M TIRED!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO SLEEP!!!!!!! (falls asleep)

Naruto: Uh-oh. Kitty-chan's getting cheap! Review so she'll write more about _me!_


	8. But we DIDN'T!

Kitty: (stumbles upon dusty, spider web-y characters) Um... Do you want me to finish this fic?

Naruto: Hell yeah!!! We've been waiting here for more than... (slowly counts months away on fingers) August... September...

Sakura: Four months, Kitty-chan! We've been here for more than four months! Do you have anything to say for making us all wait so long?!

Kitty: ...I'M SORRY!!! (cries) I wrote other stories! (sob) I couldn't help myself! (sniffle)

Sasuke: So, you think those other guys are better than us, huh?

Kitty: ...I don't wanna talk about it... (cries) Just read the damn story!!!

Disclaimer: By the last chapter, I hope at least some of you know that Naruto doesn't belong to me...

* * *

The day after the incident at Sasuke's apartment...

Sasuke didn't think he'd ever recover from the previous evening's... adventures. He had felt so violated on so many levels, even though there had been not too much actual physical contact had been made by the offending pink-haired girl. After carrying an unconscious Sakura to her house, accompanied by Naruto, then leaving her on her doorstep and running, Sasuke had felt somewhat accomplished. He had, in fact, rid himself of Sakura for the time being, and didn't think that she would be speaking to him any time soon out of sheer embarrassment.

As he walked to class, Sasuke yawned widely. He hadn't slept much, for obvious reasons. By the time he reached his seat, he was almost asleep. So buried his head in his forearms as an attempt to get a few minutes of sleep before class. But, since this was Sasuke, he was never that lucky...

"...And then he said, 'Sakura, I've been lusting for you for so long. This is like a dream come true." Sakura's voice floated around Sasuke as she entered the classroom, a few almost-weeping members of Sasuke's fan club close in tow.

"You... are so lucky..." one of them half-sobbed. "Sasuke wanted to go past third base with you, Sakura! And you're not even dating!"

This comment seemed to echo through the noisy classroom, which miraculously became silent just in time to hear it. Sasuke's head shot up, eyes huge and face paling rapidly. Suddenly, all his classmates' eyes were on Sasuke. Thankfully, Ino hadn't been there to cause a ruckus.

"W-What?" he choked. It had been the other way around! Sakura had wanted Sasuke!

"Did you really, Sasuke?" Shikamaru inquired, actually impressed by something for once. Lee was livid.

"No!" the younger Uchiha sputtered, raven eyes flashing. "Of course not! Why would I do something like _that?!_ Why would I do something like that with _Sakura?!_"

"What's wrong with Sakura-chan?!" Lee suddenly barked. Sasuke was scared out of his mind by this whole situation.

"Nothing..." Sasuke said defensively, not sure if he was lying to Lee or not. He had almost been Sakura's friend until the past night. "I just wouldn't do something like that with her."

"Ooh, but Sasuke," Sakura chimed in, gazing sweetly at Sasuke. "You _did_ want to. Why else would we have had that intimate moment on your bed? I felt you wanted to go a bit further than we should have, considering we're not even officially a couple."

"But we _didn't_," Sasuke insisted, allowing an awkward silence to fall upon the classroom. A moment later, Sakura spoke up.

"Sasuke, the reason I declined your offer of lovemaking last night..." Sakura sighed heavily. Sasuke wanted to say something in his defense, but bit his tongue; he almost wanted to hear what she had to say. "It was because I didn't feel comfortable about you... Or rather, our relationship."

She didn't feel comfortable?! What was _wrong_ with this girl?! Sasuke was the one wrapped in a sheet and squealing like a weenie!

didn't feel comfortable?! What was with this girl?! Sasuke was the one wrapped in a sheet and squealing like a weenie! 

"So Sasuke..." she said softly, averting his gaze. "Will you go out with me? I'd be glad to take you up on your offer if you would."

Sasuke felt like he could strangle Sakura. Trying as hard as he could to maintain composure, he looked straight into her eyes and took a deep breath as he thought out what he would say to this girl.

"Sakura, before I answer your question, first I have something to say, and I want to make sure everyone hears this," Sasuke announced, beckoning his classmates over so that they would hear him. "Last night, when _you_ came into _my_ apartment, _completely_ uninvited, I did _not_ ask you to hit the sheets with me. Why you would imply that I did such a thing I do not know, and why you would lie about it to the entire class fascinates me to no end." Sasuke could feel his eyes boring into Sakura's, and he could see the tears beginning to form.

"So, Sakura," Sasuke said coolly. "No, I will not go out with you."

"But, Sasuke--" Sakura whimpered.

"_I don't like you!_" the Uchiha boy insisted, feeling his fingers begin to clench out of sheer frustration. "_I don't like you at all! I never did! And I never will! So stop following me around with useless stuff to give to me, and stop sneaking into my apartment when I'm not there, and stop asking me to go out with you! It makes me so mad I can't even think!_" Sasuke finished, huffing from the effort.

The class stood in a circle around Sasuke and Sakura, eyes wide. That was the most they'd ever heard Sasuke say all at once, and also the most emotion they'd ever seen him display. Naruto and Ino, both having been previously missing, had appeared just in time to see Sasuke's fit of anger. A huge smirk was wiped across Ino's face, and she seemed to be suppressing a laugh. Naruto, on the other hand, was as stunned as the rest of the class.

"S-Sasuke..." Sakura whined, the tears starting to spill over her eyes. "I-I never knew you felt this way..."

Sasuke was still a bit worked up.

"You'd think by all the times I've told you to leave me alone that you'd get the message sooner or later."

"But y-you didn't h-have to be so mean!" Sakura wailed, finally fleeing the classroom in tears. Ino's suppressed laugh seemed to come loose, along with a number of similar-sounding giggles from quite a few other nameless ninja-girls. Lee ran after Sakura as the rest of the class dispersed from Sasuke, laughing and joking about various things. Soon enough, the only one who remained with Sasuke was Naruto, an indescribable look upon his face. His cute features crinkled up into something like an apologetic smile and a cringe.

"_Ouch_," he said simply, looking at the door Sakura had run out of.

The End.

* * *

Kitty: So, OMTTCHKS has come to an end after many months... A bittersweet feeling, no doubt. I didn't mean to bash Sakura _quite_ so much, but this was the last chapter, so I thought I could splurge a bit.

Sakura: I hate you.

Kitty: (lovingly) I hate you, too. Aww, screw this; GROUP HUG!!!! (gathers Sasuke, Naruto, and Sakura into a crushing hug)

All but Kitty-chan: MMMFFFF!!!!!

Kitty: Remember to review: There could be a sequel in store, but not for a little while!

Sakura and Sasuke: NOOOOO!!!!!!!

Naruto: Why was I hardly in this story...?


End file.
